Our Services

What We Do

At Brighter Outlook – Narcissistic Abuse Counselling service, a confidential, safe and nurturing environment is provided for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse to talk about their abuse with a counsellour who actually “gets it”, and will help you to get your life back

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Expert knowledge and support are provided in the following areas:

What is narcissistic abuse, and what is coercive control?

Most victims have trouble articulating the exact nature of the abuse they’ve suffered due to the covert and insideous nature of narcissistic abuse, where the victims boundaries are eroded away over time, to enable the narcissist to control them. Nearly every strategy the narcissist engages in to manipulate their victim is coercive in nature. Coercive control is normally non violent and is used to dominate, and bring the victim under the narcissist’s control. By using coercive control, the narcissist uses the fear, obligation and guilt that they have conditioned the victim to feel, against them. Classic coercive control strategies include isolation, control of resources and social media, monitoring the victims time, whereabouts , and communication with other people.

The cycle of lovebombing, devaluation, discard, and hoovering

At the beginning of their relationship, the victim is love-bombed. Once the narcissist knows the victim is hooked, the devaluation stage begins using strategies such as isolation, triangulation, sabotage and gaslighting.

The devaluation stage is followed by the discard. When you have something that no longer serves its purpose, what do you do with it? You get rid of it. It is with this logic, and as much compassion, that the narcissist disposes of their victim when they no longer consider them useful.

Why did I stay? – Trauma Bonding

What the victim most often needs help and support with is understanding why they stayed and why they keep going back to their abuser.

Trauma bonding and other concepts such as intermittent reinforcement and cognitive dissonance keep the victim in a perpetual state of low confidence, leading them to believe that they need their abuser despite their logical awareness of the abuse. This is how victims stay tied to their abusers and keep going back.

Am I the narcissist?

Here we look at the concept of ‘reactive abuse’, when the victim reacts to the manipulative tactics of the narcissist by retaliating in often frantic and explosive ways that are out of character for the victim.

When abuse is protracted, and the victim is pushed to their limit, their automatic fight or flight system is activated.

Divorcing a narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist within a system that does not understand the nuances of narcissistic abuse can be harrowing for victims. The narcissist uses the divorce process to extend the domestic violence and punish their victim for not worshipping them anymore. They will want to take and/or destroy that which means the most to them. Divorcing a narcissist is war. They will take precise aim at their victim’s credibility, their emotions and their capacity to ever be independent and happy.

Flying Monkeys and the Smear Campaign

It is important to be aware of the narcissist’s henchmen, their ‘flying monkeys’, and how they play in the campaign to smear you. It takes planning for the narcissist to set up a workable smear campaign. They need to be very careful so that when they are dishing the dirt on you, they do not come off ‘looking bad’. Flying monkeys are an important resource to the narcissist, as the narcissist’s hands remain clean while someone else does their dirty work.

Co-parenting with a narcissist

Co-parenting requires teamwork, and teamwork with a narcissist is impossible. The term ‘co-parenting’ implies cooperation, co-ordination and collaboration and a united front. You will never have this level of respectful communication with the narcissist. Parallel parenting allows parents to minimise the narcissist’s ability to continue to control and manipulate them.

Adult children of narcissists

Adult children of narcissists (A.C.O.N.S) often suffer debilitating anxiety and depression from a lifetime of walking on eggshells. They become people pleasers at the expense of ever having their own needs met. They may not even know what their needs are because they have never been allowed to have any. The adult child of a narcissist is going to need a HUGE amount of support to, not just break away from the toxic relationship with their narcissistic parent, but to realise that their toxic parent is not going to change.

My child is a narcissist

It is not always explainable why a child becomes a narcissist, especially when the two biological parents appear loving and compassionate. Parents of a narcissistic child or young adult need mountains of support to assert boundaries with their toxic child who can, and will, bully them and their siblings, making life unbearable in the home for everyone. One of your children is more likely to become a narcissist, when one, or both of their parents are narcissistic. Much of the time, this will be the child who is most similar to the narcissist, the golden child.

Healing from narcissistic abuse

It is critical that victims of narcissistic abuse commit to their healing journey and make it a priority in their lives. It happened because someone chose to abuse you and you did nothing to deserve it. The abuse was never your fault, however, the responsibility of healing from such, lies solely with you. There are several strategies that are important to factor in, when embarking on your healing journey such as therapy and self-care.